


Side Quest

by fleurescent



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Video Game World, F/F, Kinda, M/M, RPG AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 03:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3342602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurescent/pseuds/fleurescent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji’s anxieties about his own mortality lead him to create an account on one of the biggest RPGs in the world, Alternate Genesis. Kaworu Nagisa is the number one player in AG and is charmed by the newbie Shinji’s ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Side Quest

Shinji Ikari was three when he learned of the trait that every imaginable thing in the universe shares: mortality. And quite often, he found himself staring in the mirror and seeing a face similar to his late mother’s. When he did, he repeated a certain mantra in a whisper.

             _You are not immortal._

A three year old’s concept of death may be limited to images of a stereotypical Grim Reaper, who dons a black hooded robe and a scythe. Shinji imagined that Death slouched over his mother’s bed. He couldn’t see him, but he wondered if his mother could.

Death must’ve caressed her concave cheeks and kissed her paper skin, leaving purple ink bruises. She was fragile like that. Before she used to don calluses like medals but now she was all bones and ghost flesh. He imagined she had been seduced by Death. Death promised that she would never have to sleep in the metal hospital cot again.

When she flat lined, it was the first time he had ever seen his father cry. Soon after, when his mother was buried, was the second time he saw his father cry. His tears must’ve been withered up because it was the last time Gendo ever cried to Shinji’s knowledge.

Shinji had sobbed like a collapsed dam at her funeral. Everyone had patted his back and said he just needed time. But it wasn’t about the deceased; it was about forgetting. He couldn’t even remember his mom’s favorite flower. He forgot the way she hugged or how she pronounced certain vowels.

Yui Ikari didn’t want to rot. She wanted her ashes to be spread across the world and do the things she couldn’t complete. Fly with the wind; float across the oceans. There are a lot of limits to being in a coffin.

That day Shinji decided he never wanted to be a corpse.

Shinji went on to live a lukewarm life. He was an average in society. He was among the many who were living just to eventually die. Sure, maybe one day he’d settle down after college and get hitched and have a few kids and then get cracks and crinkles and then bite it.

How boring. How sad to live a life without adventure. Shinji didn’t want to leave a big impact on the world. It wasn’t about being remembered, it was about making his own time worthwhile.

Nothing, not even the stars, could last forever, and certainly not his human heart. The thought burned like antiseptic when he remembered it, but it was unavoidable. It was the truth that he had a limited number of breaths. It was the truth that there was not enough time in the world for him to see and do everything. It was the truth that he often repeated with a shaky voice and sorrow.

_You are not immortal._

**Author's Note:**

> posted from my tumblr  
> ill continue when i have the time or if anyone is interested


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